My story so far has been far from perfect. There has not been any Prince Charmings. Or perfect adventures. My story isn’t a fairy-tale. It is far from that. If I could sum up my life so far in three words it would be this:
‘Manic, Heartbreaking and True.’
Heartbreaking may be a strong word, but I do tend to make people cry when I talk about my past. And no it’s not from boredom. It’s from the amount of trauma I’ve been through.
My life is my life. I’ve lived in my own body for fifteen years and at no point did it occur to me that things might ever be perfect. I mean look at the state the world is in right now! We concentrate our lives on watching people on TV having fake relationships, whereas we could be focusing on saving the planet we live on.
I try to focus my time and energy on helping other rather than myself. Why do you ask? Because helping other takes my mind off the things I’ve been going through. That’s why I donate toys and toiletries to my local hospital, and raise money for charity. It’s like a distraction from my own life. Because I cannot be asked to talk to a doctor about HRT, EVER!
I know I have had many battles in my time. Physical and Mental. And each one is harder than the last. It’s like I’m constantly at war with myself. It hurts like hell, and it doesn’t help when you ignore the warning signs. But I know that the battles I have fought have been worth it.
If I didn’t have Cancer I wouldn’t have donated so much to charity.
If I didn’t have hearing loss I wouldn’t have found my true identity.
And if I didn’t go through bullying I wouldn’t be the person you see today.
The battles, and the scars make me who I am. Its shapes me into me. It makes me stronger than who I was before.
No ones life is perfect. Even when you see those ‘perfect’ Facebook posts, that person’s life isn’t perfect. No ones is. You’ll have good days and then you’ll have bad days. It’s life. And believe me it sucks. Especially Teenage years. These are the worst years of your life boys and girls. Sorry…..
If everyone had a perfect life we would look the same. And honestly I would hate that. It’s good to have a life that’s asymmetry. It makes you who you are. Even the little things, they’ll make you into the person you should be.
Also take my advice and listen to yourself. I don’t catch onto trends because I’m different and myself. I know I still don’t embrace who I am, but I am myself. I do my make-up my own way. I run and play Ice hockey because it’s fun. I write and film because I like it. And I listen to old music because I enjoy it and love the beats.
I’m not the same as many others because I don’t want to be. And that’s one small part of my story. I am my own person. And I try to not to let anyone else take control of my life.
I try not to let stuff get me down. And I try so hard to be brave. But lets face if I want to kick somethings butt, I think I would like to have a hissy fit about it first. Because that is normal.
Being myself means embracing who I truly am. The geeky nerd who probably knows a lot of the answers at college. I am the girl who is deaf and decides to pretends not to hear people, because it’s funny. I am the girl who had cancer and survived.
I mean surviving cancer when there was a 10% chance I wouldn’t make it to the weekend, is pretty awesome.
I am only human. I am not perfect. And I don’t want to be. Because my plain randomness, my mental health, my scars, my whole life means something to me. It means it’s nice to be here.
I have a story. It’s not perfect. But that’s okay with me.